My first STD was from a foam party
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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