booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
