you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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