just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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