Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
