if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
