he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
