Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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