Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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