I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We're too hungover to prance.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
