theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So vagazzling was a success
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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