I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
