Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
