So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
