Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
