i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
His nipple licking is glorious
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