mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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