Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
