you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
