I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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