im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
