She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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