Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
