And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just had sex on a roof
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
