conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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