her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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