i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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