Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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