I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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