This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
