you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
