She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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