mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
