i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
