Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
