Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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