I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
