Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
