have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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