so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
