So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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