After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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