I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
