I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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