when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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