I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
