i jhust puked up my retainher.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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