Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
