Even the bartender felt bad for me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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