after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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