you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
