Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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