I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
