I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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