dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
