He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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